Here I Come, And I'm So Not Scared
by Sarah Jo Dantess
Summary: What happened after the OWLs incident, and how did Lily start to feel better again after she lost her best friend? Better yet, how did she ever see James Potter as her friend in the first place?
1. Prologue: Lily's Worst Memory

**_Here I Come, And I'm So Not Scared_**

_by Sarah Jo Dantess_

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><p><strong>Prologue<strong>

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><p>"<em>I don't need help from filthy Mudbloods like her!"<em>

The words rang in my ears like one last hex cast in a wizard's duel. It took a moment for my brain to register what had occurred. After all, Sev was my best friend in the world. For him to call me mudblood was the impossible thing that could never happen. No matter that he's been avoiding me more often than not over the past year or so and ditching me for his Slytherin friends. They're in his house, and I'm not. Of course he would want to send more time with them, right?

_Mudblood. Mudblood. Mudblood. Mudblood._

Oh my Merlin…_that_ just happened? No, of course not. I drew back, struck with shock by his fierce slander. My mouth opened a bit and hung that way, an audible, sharp intake of breath travelling through my exposed top teeth. My eyebrows shot upward as my astonishment showed. He would never –

_Mudblood. Mudblood. Mudblood. Mudblood._

I blinked hard as my eyebrows drew together. Yep, that _just_ happened. How _dare_ he treat me with such contempt, after all I've done for him –

"_Fine_," I spat. My anger rose to an obvious edge in my tone. I was on fire, determined to _give_ that ex-best friend of mine a good piece of my mind, even though he didn't want it. "I won't bother in the future. And I would wash your pants if I were you, _Snivellus_," I snarled.

As the words left my lips, the reality of what had occurred began to sink in, like rubbing cool salve on a burn. It stings first, and that was happening now for sure. Tears prickled at my eyes and I knew it was only a matter of time before they would threaten to make an appearance in front of this crowd. I turned to leave, feeling the hurt as the fact that I was no longer friends with my best friend of almost seven years became all too real. A gnawing pang in my chest clutched my nerves. _Ouch_.

"Apologize to Evans!"

I turned back to the scene. Potter was pointing his wand at Snape, ready to hex him unless he caved to his demands. My jaw clenched. How could _he_ be trying to make this any better? He started it!

"I don't want _you_ to make him apologize!" I shouted at him in a flare of anger. "You're as bad as he is!" The arrogant, bullying toerag only blinked as surprise became visible on his face.

"_What?"_ he yapped. "I'd _never_ call you a – you-know-what!" I frowned. My eyes became slits that could have _Avada-Kedavra-ed_ him if looks could kill. How thick can he possibly be? Oh, right. All damn boys are that thick and need a damn explanation. Merlin's beard.

"Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can – I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it!" I thundered, my voice filled to the brim with poison. I went in for the kill. "You make me _sick_."

I didn't stay to see Potter's reaction. I had the final word and I wasn't giving it up. I spun around on my heel and marched away as the tears stung at my eyes once again. I blinked them back hard, not wanting anyone to see me cry, and didn't stop for anything until I was behind the door of my empty dormitory, with all the solace in the world all to myself in this precious privacy. Then and only then did I let the tears pour in streams down my cheeks.


	2. Chapter 1: Just the Perfect Blendship

_**Previously on** **Here I Come, And I'm So Not Scared**_, **_by Sarah Jo Dantess_**:

_I didn't stay to see Potter's reaction. I had the final word and I wasn't giving it up. I spun around on my heel and marched away as the tears stung at my eyes once again. I blinked them back hard, not wanting anyone to see me cry, and didn't stop for anything until I was behind the door of my empty dormitory, with all the solace in the world all to myself in this precious privacy. Then and only then did I let the tears pour in streams down my cheeks._

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><p><strong>Chapter 1<br>**

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><p>"Lily?" a voice timidly drifted through the curtains around my four-poster. I stopped sniffing and jerked my head towards the sound. I was in no mood to be bothered right now. How would you feel if the friend you had trusted for several years of your young life all of a sudden turned on you? Sev was the one who told me I was magical, for Merlin's sake! Even though he's been so horrible to me, how can I be expected to walk away from what we had in our friendship? I was nothing but kind to him, and he hurt me.<p>

Not that I wanted anyone to know I d been hurt by his comment. Actually, I wasn't sure what I even knew myself. I don' want to appear hurt to everyone so they won't pity me. If they don't appear to pity me, then it's easier for me to move on with my life, which is what I want more than anything right now. To get out of this nightmare and into something better. Oh, summer, where are you?

Ugh. Never mind. I get way too philosophical when drama happens. Damn hormones. We have another O.W.L. tomorrow and I need to focus! It's Transfigurations, a subject I love but am not particularly great at.

I averted my swollen, tear-stained eyes as my curtains opened to reveal the piercing gold stare of my second-best friend (I suppose she's number one now since a certain Snape dropped out of the race), Hestia Jones. "Lily?" she prodded gently. I didn't look at her and made a futile attempt at wiping my face of its redness. The mattress sank and the wood creaked at her weight on the bed. She shut the curtain behind her and sat cross-legged. "Lily, please talk to me. I heard everything. I was there, remember? I know."

She pointed her wand at my face and muttered something softly. The stinging of tears left my skin and made me feel refreshed. I turned to face her.

"How could he?" I asked point-blankly. Hestia only smiled sadly. "I should have known, Hestia. He was that way all along. He thinks that about everyone like me and has made that obvious. I should have known we couldn't be friends forever." Hestia patted my hand awkwardly and nodded.

"I know, Lily. It's okay." I nodded.

"You're right, Hest. It's okay now. At least I know and can move on with life. I missed lunch, didn't I?" I asked suddenly, perking up at the grumbling in my stomach. Hestia must have heard it too, because she bit back a snicker and nodded at me. She checked her watch.

"Yeah, Lily, you did. You're in luck, dinner's in half an hour. Why don't we do something funny until then?" Hestia asked, her eyes brightening up. I laughed and shook my head. Whatever Hestia considered to be funny would, no doubt, cheer me up for sure in little time.

"All right. What 'your plan, Miss Jones?" Hestia raised an eyebrow and grinned as she slid off the bed and jerked the door open, allowing a just-entering friend of mine named Emmeline Vance to stumble through the door and land with a thud on the carpet. I giggled at Emmeline as she straightened up and Hestia disappeared down the stairs.

Moments later, Hestia, Emmeline, Mary MacDonald, Dorcas Meadowes, Marlene McKinnon, and Alice Prewett were with me in the dormitory, and Mary's radio was blasting some of my absolute favorite Muggle tunes. This had been a favorite pastime of ours in the years before when all other attempts at easing our boredom would fail. We'd belt out any fine tune we could think of, sing to each other, sing to a charmed pile of bedsheets that was supposed to be the lucky or unlucky guy we were singing to (I swear, we were thirteen and did weird stuff), dance around wildly, and end up on the floor laughing the night away.

Dorcas was in the middle of singing "We Are the Champions" in the worst falsetto I have ever heard (think Michael Jackson being chased by a bull) when we realized we were ten minutes late for dinner. I grinned at Hestia as we all hosed ourselves down with perfume and deodorant. Some things really can cheer you up, and make you really sweaty, while you're at it.

"Do you feel better, Lilsie?" Mary asked me as she re-braided her blonde hair. I was touching up my eye makeup, which had all come off due to a mixture of tears of hurt and laughter.

Yikes. I really am a teenage girl. How moody do I sound? I made a mental note to myself not to make so many casual observances of my behavior and nodded at her. "I'm fine, thanks, Mary. Those dance parties have always hit the spot, especially if you've got the right people with loads of energy in one space," I reported as I added the finishing touch to my mascara. There! Now I can actually see my eyelashes. Oh, red hair, why must you hoard all of the radiance for yourself and not give any to the rest of my follicles?

Mary grinned. "Good. Now, come on, I'm hungry."

I had forgotten how hungry I was with all that dancing to distract me. Now, with every bit of nourishment burned out, I was hungrier than ever. We were about halfway to the Great Hall when Dorcas, Emmeline, Marlene, and Alice sprinted forward, leaving Mary, Hestia, and I in the dust.

"We'll eat everything if you don't beat us to it!" Marlene threatened. Mary, Hestia, and I took one look at each other and tore after them, shouting for them to save the pudding. We stumbled into our seats at the Gryffindor table, laughing so hard it was painful. Happy pains, I call them. After recovering from such intense abdominal exercise (that's what laughter is for, after all, my abs must look fantastic by now), I dug into the house elves' turkey dinner. Ahh, it had never tasted this good. What with my little ordeal causing me to miss lunch, all that crying, and the dance party combined with the dash on the way here, I was thoroughly famished.

I gnawed on a few pieces of meat as happily and in as much of a ladylike fashion as I could manage, but if I ate like a pig today, could you blame me? It's a very stressful time for us fifth years, really, it is. I didn't even notice the people turning to look at me until my eyes instinctively darted to the space between Dorcas and Alice's heads across from me. Two Ravenclaw girls at the table quickly swiveled in their seats back to their plates, but I could tell they had been looking, and so had a couple of their friends across from them. I tried not to scowl.

At first, the thought that they had heard about my fallout today didn't even cross my mind. I was busy eating a yummy dinner, for Merlin's sake, and I had much more to worry about than a little friendship-ending squabble...didn't I, after all? There must be something in my teeth.

But...hadn't everyone but me seen it coming? Why, then should those few girls be staring? For good measure, and to reassure myself that the entire school had not heard that Lily Evans had finally stopped being a fool, I discreetly peeked around my shoulder at the Hufflepuff and Slytherin tables.

Drat. I really have made of fool of myself, then, haven't I? How _stupid_ was I to think that mine and Snape's friendship could actually be one forever? He was clearly scum, and the rest of the school knew it, but I hadn't? How could I be so thick?

I suddenly became very interested in my turkey to hide my overall feelings of idiocy from the staring eyes I could see. It wasn't that many, really, but when word gets around...it really does get around.

Next to me, I felt a nudge on my elbow. Emmeline was looking at me with concerned eyes. "Lily, don't worry. Hestia and I did damage control. There'll be no untrue rumors about this, if that's what you're worried about," she said quietly.

I crumpled my mouth, sending both Em and Hestia silent thanks with my eyes, and sighed. "I just wish they wouldn't stare. I was stupid and the whole school knows it. They all had to see me get hurt for my stupidity to end, didn't they?" Emmeline linked her arm through mine and gave me a comforting squeeze.

"Lily Evans, you are not stupid. You're one of the kindest people I've ever met, and there are people who will take advantage of that. They'll never learn. We just have to recognize that now and move on with it. Deal?" The way she was speaking now so reminded me of my mother when I was young and fell down the stairs or did something else of that horribly frightening nature. I was immediately impressed by how wise Emmeline Vance really was and gave a small smile in return.

"Okay, Em. I'll try," I promised. Em frowned and unhooked her arm.

"Now, Lily, you know this. 'Do' or 'do not.' There is no 'try,'" she quoted from Star Wars, my most favorite series of movies of all time, with a hint of a twinkle in her eyes. I gasped and threw my arms around her neck, my face breaking out in a gigantic smile.

"Em, I love you! You always know which movies are the best to quote from!" I gushed, crushing Em's windpipe. Mary's goose-like guffaw echoed from a few seats down, and our entire group of dormitory girls broke into hysteric fits of laughter. I smiled to myself when it died down. There are so many things that come with friendship that can make a girl feel so much better.


	3. Chapter 2: Cutting Off and Crying

_**Previously on Here I Come, And I'm So Not Scared. by Sarah Jo Dantess:**_

_Mary's goose-like guffaw echoed from a few seats down, and our entire group of dormitory girls broke into hysteric fits of laughter. I smiled to myself when it died down. There are so many things that come with friendship that can make a girl feel so much better._

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><p><strong>Chapter 2<strong>

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><p>Hestia, Marlene, Alice, Dorcas and I lounged around the dormitory, sharing a healthy joke-off session before the surely murderous final O.W.L. tomorrow. At this point, I had studied so much that I had no choice but to trust myself to do as well as I could on the dreaded Transfiguration O.W.L.<p>

"Okay, what do you call a fish without an eye?" Dorcas threw in, chewing on an Every Flavour Bean. She dug her fingers through the box, picked one out, and tossed it to Alice, who caught it and shoved it into her mouth without bothering to look at what kind it could be. Immediately her face twisted into a grimace. Her eyes began to water and she coughed.

"Really, Dorky? You gave me _pepper_? I thought you were a nice person," she hacked, scraping her tongue with her fingers. I and the three other girls wrinkled our noses.

"I am!" Dorcas said defensively. Hestia shook her head and held up her hands.

"_Anyway_, no, Dorcas, I don't know what you call a fish without an eye. What is it?" she asked. Dorcas cleared her throat and swallowed another bean before answering her.

"It's obvious, isn't it? A 'fshhhh,'" she said with a slight grin. My eyebrows and the corners of my lips, which had risen in curiosity, fell flat into a frown. I turned my head to look at Marlene, who was leaning against Hestia's bed next to mine. The look on her face was the shared expression of disappointment and confusion that mine held. Alice snickered with Dorcas and Hestia.

"Dory, that wasn't funny at all," I said point-blankly, disappointment evident in my tone. Dorcas shrugged.

"I know. That's why it s called a 'bad joke,'" she stated. I heaved myself back off of my stomach and sat up on my bed.

"When did we decide to have a 'bad jokes' contest? That one was just...cheesy," I told her. Marlene nodded her agreement with me. Hestia shrugged.

"No particular moment, but since that's where we seem to be now, I'd like to keep it going. Okay," she said, clapping her hands together and assuming an enthusiastic air, "What do trees and dogs have in common?"

I could predict this one. Really, cheesy jokes are so expected. But, I shrugged to let Hestia have the satisfaction of giving us the punch-line. I know I sure hate it when someone steals my punch-line. It's only fair, right?

Hestia smiled delightedly and squealed, "_Bark_!" Since she nearly fell off her bed and onto Marlene in a fit of giggles, I decided to help her out and faked laughter, which became quite real within moments. See, your body cannot tell the difference between real laughter and fake laughter, so if you start pretending to laugh, you actually laugh! It's sure a handy feel-good when you don't feel good, if you will.

Soon it seemed that the rest of the dorm had found my tactic quite profitable and we collapsed in a pile on the floor from trying to get each other to calm down only to pick up the giggles ourselves. It was a lovely bonding moment between us, if I do say so myself.

Too bad it had to end when Mary and Emmeline opened the dormitory door with a concerned look on her face. "Lily..." Emmeline said quietly.

I sat up, unsuspecting and still giggling, and asked, "What?"

"It's that Snape. He's outside the portrait hole." I scowled and groaned.

"Just tell him to go away. I don't ever want to see him again," I complained as I leaned back on Alice's stomach and made as if I were going to curl up and take a nap right there. I closed my eyes and pretended to snore. Mary shook her head.

"We already tried, Lil. He's saying he'll just sleep out there if he has to until you see him." My eyes popped open, at first wide, then in slits with frustration. Of _course_. This was _so_ like Severus to not take no for an answer just to prove that he was right. Well, not this time.

I stood up and straightened my appearance before striding to the door. I stopped at the open doorway and faced my friends, whose faces all held worried looks. Hestia stood up and came over to me, giving my wrist a little squeeze.

"Do you want me to come with you?" she asked softly. I smiled sadly at her and shook my head.

"No, Hestia. This won't take long. Thank you," I said to her. I turned back to the girls who seemed to be wishing me the best of luck with just their eyes. I smiled at them. How did I get the most wonderful girls in the world as my now best friends? My expression became serious once again as my task overcame my thinking. "I'm going to end this once and for all," I said to them before closing the door and gliding swiftly down the stairs.

There weren't many people in the common room, but when I stepped off the stairs and marched to the portrait hole, those who were there, like a couple of fourth and third-years, a handful of first-years, and a few seventh-years, promptly turned their attention to me. I nodded politely at the group of first-years as I passed. Honestly, you'd think people don't have their own lives, or something.

I was ready to crash through that portrait hole and release my wrath, but I stopped abruptly just in front of it to gather myself. _Calm down, Lily. He doesn't deserve that much emotional investment from you,_ I reminded myself. I glanced back through the common room. A light streaming onto the stairs, a crack in our dormitory doorway, and several pairs of eyes peeking through it told me that I still had my friends who cared about me.

_Real friends,_ I thought, comforted, as I shot a small smile in their direction. The door shut hastily. I chuckled to myself, faced the portrait hole once again, and took a deep breath. My hands shaking from the knowledge of what I was about to do, I pushed open the door and hopped down onto the ground, almost landing on a heap of black robes that I recognized as my former friend. Git.

He stood up quickly, looking anxious to say something. My face became a blank stare as I folded my arms over my chest. I imagined growing a few inches taller and sprouting bigger muscles, and fangs poking out from under my lips. Then the things I would do to him...

I bit my lip and furrowed my eyebrows. I had better hurry up with this before I actually turned into a monster. "_What?_" I demanded.

"I'm sorry," he blurted out.

"I'm not interested," I spat before I could think. Before I could think again, it was his turn.

"I'm sorry!" he almost wailed. I nearly pitied him, but I knew what was best now.

"Save your breath," I told him. "I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here."

"I was. I would have done," he stammered, hands shoved into his pockets. "I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just - "

"Slipped out?" I accused. All feelings of sympathy for him were gone. He himself had reminded me why we were no longer friends just now, hadn't he? I went on. "It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you," I confessed, feeling like crying.

The look on his face was one of utter desperation, of hurt, which did not help me one bit. I forced myself to grit my teeth and push through. All those years we were friends...gone, in one day. All that time wasted. Completely wasted. I felt sick to my stomach, and more stupid than ever.

"You and your precious little Death Eater friends - " I snarled, waiting to see if he would protest. He didn't, just as I feared. " - you see, you don't even deny it! You don't even deny that's what you're all aiming to be! You can't wait to join You-Know-Who, can't you?" I raged at him, tears threatening to sting at my eyes.

_No, Lily! You can't cry now! That will only make him feel sorry for you! You can't have that!_ I blinked hard, my eyebrows drawing further together. How he irked me! Snape opened his mouth as if to say something, but shut it, the words never leaving his lips. I huffed to myself. Let the job be done.

"I can't pretend anymore. You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine," I said, my final arrow loaded and poised at his heart. This was only good for the both of us, I had to tell myself.

"No - listen, I didn't mean - " he cried, the sense of urgency in his voice climbing. I cut him off, not wanting to hear it. I was in no mood to rationalize with him, nor did I want to after years of it, either.

" - to call me Mudblood?" I scoffed. "But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?"

I must have given him the most disrespectful look anyone on earth could give a person, because he seemed to struggle with what he could say to me to change my mind._ Serves him right_, I told myself. He lost every ounce of respect I had for him all by his bloody self. The job done, and myself wishing to hear no more, I climbed through the portrait hole and let it shut before he could say anything and before I let the few tears come. I had cried enough that day.

I darted through the common room, ignoring the stares (though most of the bystanders had cleared out, thank Merlin), and dashed up the stairs, through my door, and into my friends' waiting, outstretched arms. Thanks to them, it wasn't a long night, after all.


	4. Chapter 3: These Distractions

_**Previously on Here I Come, And I'm So Not Scared, by Sarah Jo Dantess:**_

_I darted through the common room, ignoring the stares (though most of the bystanders had cleared out, thank Merlin), and dashed up the stairs, through my door, and into my friends' waiting , outstretched arms. Thanks to them, it wasn't a long night, after all._

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><p><strong>Chapter 3<strong>

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><p><em>"<em>_OOOHHH, SOMETIMES, I GET A GOOD FEELING, YEEEAH!" _ Mary screamed rather than crooned. Bursting into fits of laughter, the rest of us covered our ears, effectively blocking out the horrible noise.

"Mary, Mary! _Mary! M-A-A-A-ARY-Y-Y-Y!_" Dorcas walked up to her and shouted until she was only inches away from her ear. Mary stopped dancing and jumped, sloshing her butterbeer from its bottle all over the floor. Mary laughed and leaned on Dorcas for support.

"Ay-ay-ay-a-a-a-y-y, Dorky! What's Merlin's big idea, eh? I'm _singing_ you a _pretty song_! Ha ha ha, wooooww, guys, I am _soooo_ drunk, aren't I?" she slurred, giggling.

The other six of us who had been drinking our butterbeer in moderation stared at her, then one another, then back at her, and nodded.

"Yeah..." we muttered uncomfortably. Mary's tolerance towards alcohol always had been pretty low, but this was definitely the drunkest we'd ever seen her. She was usually much more controlled about how much she drank. Must be the joy of being done with OWLs that caused her to lose count. I held back a laugh as I went over to her and replaced her butterbeer bottle with one of pumpkin juice.

"I...think you've had enough of that for now, yeah, dear? How about some of this instead?" Mary agreed nonchalantly and popped the cap off, swinging an arm around Dorcas again. She lifted her glass and sang,

"To this most wonderful summer we shall have, ladies! And to the murder of the OWLs! May they never creep upon us again!"

The rest of us laughed, lifted our glasses, and clinked them together. "Cheers," we all said before taking a swig.

"Seriously, though," Marlene began, swallowing back some more butterbeer, "who'd have thought those OWLs would have been as okay as they were? I mean, they weren't easy, but before I totally was convinced that we'd all die in the middle of it. Anyone else agree?"

I plopped next to Emmeline and Hestia on a giant bean bag and cuddled into Hestia, who continued our little spoon train with Emmeline. We were at Marlene's family's rather large home for the second week of our summer break, which would be the first of many adventures we had planned out for that summer. I thought back to the OWLs in response to Marlene's question as she and Alice started to chat with Mary and Dorcas about it.

That last day of exams had been rough, but not nearly as hard as I'd thought they would be. I'd gotten a nice night's sleep before, so I suppose that helped. That was more due to one of Madam Pomfrey's sleeping potions that the girls insisted I go get after I cried my eyes out again.

By now I really was feeling all right about the whole Snape thing, since I'd known for such a long time that it was coming, but that didn't necessarily make it hurt any less. I'd gotten so much closer with the girls since then, too, without him always hanging around me, and since they were such caring young women, anyway. They'd helped to ease some of the pain, but not really so much of the confusion I felt, not only towards Snape, but now towards Potter. I tried to sort through the fogginess as I remembered our few encounters after the incident at the lake.

_I go down to breakfast a little later the morning after I ended things with Snape. The girls wanted me to go everywhere with them, but I assured them I was fine. Plus, I was a little slow from Madam Pomfrey's sleeping potion. So it was no bother to either of us that they head down to breakfast before me._

_I tie off my braid as I descend the steps from our dormitory. As soon as my foot hits the bottom step, someone snaps up on the sofa in the middle of the common room. Someone with messy black hair and glasses. I toss my braid behind my shoulder as our eyes meet._

_Honestly, I feel like I should be as angry at Potter as I am at Snape. For some reason, though, I know deep down that it wasn't all Potter's fault that Snape called me that in front of everyone. However, he did hex Snape several times over to make him angry enough to do it, then he asked me out in front of the whole crowd, humiliating me with his bold moves. So, truly, I have a right to be angry with him. I scowl at him as he propels himself off the couch and stands up, facing me, then I unsuccessfully try to navigate through the common room without meeting up with him as he scampers after me._

_"__Lily! Lily, wait! I need to talk to you!"_

_I whip around to face him and he stops short just a foot away from me. "Why?" I slam. "So you can embarrass me even more? I'm sure you can think of worse things to do to me in front of people again, so I'm not going to give you any more ideas!" I say with the intent of walking away, and I start to, until Potter grabs my wrist and keeps me from leaving._

_"__No. No," he says, sighing. "I'm sorry. I wanted to apologize to you for yesterday. The whole thing was my fault. I provoked him, I embarrassed you, I belittled the both of you and I'm sorry. Neither of you deserved that. Well, you the least of all. Please, if you can find it in you, I hope you'll forgive me."_

_He says it all so quickly that he is out of breath by the end of his statement and I have to work to keep up with him. He huffs to get his breath back and I feel a lot of the fire I felt previously begin to drain out of me._

_Well, that was unexpected. Normally I would say that this is just another one of Potter's ways to make fun of me, but there are a few problems with that plan, if there were one. (1) He hasn't asked me out yet, (2), this conversation doesn't seem to lead to his asking me out, I hope, since he's put all the blame on himself, (3), he isn't acting cocky, and (4), he actually said sorry. He's never done that with me before in his life. Maybe this is a rare streak of goodness in the bane of my existence. I'm certainly not going to complain about that or let that go._

_Gently, I free my wrist from his grasp and rub the feeling back into it from his holding it so tightly. Then I meet his eyes. His hazel eyes that bore into my own, and I see real desperation, or something, maybe fear, behind them. Nothing about his approach at the moment is characteristic of the James Potter that I know. No trace of his trademark smirk, twisted grin, arrogant air. I sigh heavily._

_"__Well..." I begin, not quite ready to say I forgive him, but not wanting to let him have it, either, since it wasn't all his fault. "...thanks, Potter. I'll accept your apology." His face shows immediate relief, but he doesn't smile._

_"__Okay. Thanks, Lily. Can you ever forgive me?" he asks. I'm not ready to say I forgive him, there hasn't been enough time, but I'm sure I can at least find it in me to do so at some point._

_"I'll...think about it," I tell him. "What you did was still bloody awful, Potter. I'm going to need time to forget it, you know." His face falls lower than it already is. He fluffs the back of his hair nervously._

_"I can understand that. I guess I have it coming and...I guess you deserve some time. You have every right to hate me, too, if you want." He doesn't perk up at his last statement, but for some reason, I find it's somehow cheered me up, and I have to work to keep a laugh in my throat and force a grin from spreading across my lips._

_One corner of my mouth twitches and my tone lightens too much for my liking when I tell him, "Oh, I've got that covered already. You don't need to worry about that part."_

_He only grins at his shoes._

_"I've got to go. See you, Potter." Then I walk away from him. I have just reached the portrait hole when he calls to my back._

_"I hope the Transfiguration OWL kicks you in the teeth so you can stop speaking sense into everything, Evans!" _

_He must hear the laughter in my voice when I quip, "Same to you, Potter, only I hope it's so you can never speak again!"_

That was certainly a shocker for me. But, it did give Potter the excuse to let up a little bit on teasing me for the remainder of the week or so we had left of the term, which gave me no cause to complain. Instead of being the annoying, arrogant prat I had known for almost six years, Potter would be a little more, er...friendly? I guess that's the word for it. Although I still wouldn't call Potter my friend. Not even acquaintances, really. We're just...not bitter enemies anymore, I suppose.

Which is kind of nice. But at the same time I do miss bickering with him. Not that I would ever admit this to anybody, but I did always get a little bit of enjoyment out of trying to talk Potter down on a regular basis, and, usually, succeeding at it. Oh shut up, you would find that fun, too.

What were we now, though? Not friends, not acquaintances, but not enemies? What's in between that? I suppose...I guess you could say we're..._allies_. Yes, that's it. We're on the same page, I think, and we're not trying to rip each other's heads off anymore. Allies is the word for this. I guess because we kind of did call a truce. Either way, that's fine with me.

I felt a pain in my side and the wind knocked out of my lungs as Mary crashed onto me on the bean bag. "Ohhhowww," I groaned in response. She ignored my protest and snuggled right into me.

"_Li-l-l-l-lee-ee-ee-ee_," she crooned. "Whatcha doin'?"

"Not breathing, for one thing!" I said to her armpit, which, I'm sorry to tell you, lacked deodorant at the moment.

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry. That must be awful. You should try to breathe. It's ni-i-i-i-ice."

I scowled. "I'm sure it is," I coughed.

"Come on, Mary, up you go," Alice said, picking Mary up off of me and laying her to my side, much to my lung's liking.

"Phew," I said, sitting up and massaging my sternum, "thanks, Al."

"No problem," she said, plopping down onto the rug in front of me. "So how are you, Lil?" she asked, swinging her long black hair over her shoulder and hugging her knees.

I fiddled with the hem of my tank top and met her grey-eyed stare. "I'm fine, I guess. I got home to more Petunia antics, so I suppose that could have gone better, but I'm fine." I had wished more than anything that for once, Petunia would be glad to see me when I got home, but when I went to hug her when I walked through our front door, she stood stiffly and told me to go away because she had friends over and didn't want me embarrassing her with my "freaky ways."

Couldn't she see what she was being to me? Didn't she know that she was hurting me?

Merlin. I was thinking too much on it again. I've been lucky to push it out of my mind most of the time during the school year, but when I'm home, I am horribly reminded of the trouble I have with my only sister.

I looked away from Alice as to brush a stray tear away. Then I looked back at her with a forced smile. "So, Alice, what have you been up to lately?"

A few hours into the night later, and several buckets of water down Mary's throat and all over her face later, we settled down to watch a movie. Marlene's family was quite fascinated with Muggle ways of doing things, and though most of their home was occupied with magic instead, they had put in a television and a cassette player. Sometimes we liked to watch chick flicks together, but tonight, our pick was _Psycho._ Hey, scary movies can entertain. Besides, Dorcas and this boy Isaac from school had just broken up, and none of us were really in the mood the think on fairy-tale relationships that didn't exist outside the TV set.

Needless to say, cuddling with one's best friends while we all try not to be murdered by a psychopath with a kitchen knife is entertaining enough for us.

The sun was rising by the time the movie finished. As the credits rolled up the screen, Marlene shut off the TV with the remote. I saw in our reflection off the TV screen that we all wore the same terrified look on our faces. I laughed nervously.

"Well," I said, swallowing hard, "I guess none of us can sleep now, huh?"

In the reflection, I saw six other heads nodding.

"Sounds good, Lily," Dorcas whimpered.

"Yeah," Emmeline croaked.

"Great movie," Hestia squeaked.

"Oh, yes. Fantastic. Pure splendor. He's hot," several of us muttered. Then it was too quiet.

Until Marlene piped up, "Breakfast?"

I don't think seven girls ever ran out of a room faster.

Ten minutes later, we were all busy cooking a breakfast feast. Emmeline and I were in charge of the pancakes, Marlene took care of the sausage and setting the table, Dorcas made French toast, Mary took care of getting the pancake condiments and drinks (and with a laugh, she promised not to bring butterbeer), and Alice and Hestia sliced up plenty of fruit chunks.

"Psst, Lil."

I looked over to my side from the pancakes I was arranging on a plate. Emmeline winked at me while holding up a mug of pancake batter and motioned to Mary, then patted her own head and pointed to Mary again. I looked at Mary and caught Emmeline's message.

Just as Emmeline was starting to sneak over to Mary at the kitchen island, I caught her elbow and hissed, "Hold on. I've got an idea." I grabbed the cinnamon shaker from the counter and filled a spoon with it, then picked up the shaker again. I winked at Emmeline and told her to go ahead.

She nodded and crept over to Mary, and promptly drizzled the batter on top of Mary's head. Mary, busied by setting out cups, didn't notice until the batter began to spill off the side of her head and flowed down by her ear and landed on her shoulder. I had been shaking cinnamon on her head, and when she turned around, her mouth opened wide to shriek, I shoved the spoon of cinnamon in her mouth and left it there while Emmeline and I jumped back, laughing our heads off.

Mary yelped and coughed and spattered until a cloud of cinnamon floated in the air. She flapped her arms about trying to get rid of both the batter and the spoon. The others were on the floor laughing, and Emmeline and I ran to hide under the table, giggling furiously.

A sound that was somewhat of a combination of a squawking hippogriff, a singing house elf, Moaning Myrtle crying, and a girl screaming echoed through the kitchen and we heard a spoon land on the floor with a thud.

"Are *COUGH* you *COUGH COUGH* bloody insane?!" Mary shrieked between rounds of hacking cinnamon out of her lungs. She ran to the sink and stuck her face under the faucet. The girls laughed as cold water sprayed all over her face.

Minutes later, after Mary had sworn herself to never speaking to me or Emmeline ever again, we were all cutting up with one another at the breakfast table. And, yes, Mary's vow had already been broken. At least it hadn't been an Unbreakable Vow.

"So, what's everyone's plans for the rest of the week?" Hestia asked, chewing on bacon. I shrugged.

"Figure out what to do for my summer job, I guess. I think they'll pay me to help out at the public library back in Cokeworth," I ended my statement with a grin.

"Typical Lily, working around books," Alice chuckled. I shrugged and continued to eat my pancakes.

"It figures," I said.

"I think I'm going to be pretty bored this summer, actually," Mary said. "I've got nothing to do and there's no jobs for young people where I live."

"Then I think many more slumber parties are in order when everyone's bored?" Marlene suggested. "I'm going to have nothing to do, too."

Everyone nodded. "That actually sounds pretty great," Dorcas said. "Also, everyone is welcome to come and hang out with me, because Remus lives close to me, too, and I'm sure nobody would mind seeing him."

The girls giggled and grinned, including me. Actually, Remus was fair company. We'd been prefects together this year and while before, I'd found him the least repulsive of his friends, now, I could say that we were good friends.

"His eyes, though," Emmeline said dreamily. Some of the girls sighed, and I had to chime in my agreement.

"They're like smaller oceans!" I said.

"Well, they must be beautiful if Lily is complimenting them. I've only ever heard her compliment a few guys' appearances!" Hestia said, laughing.

I giggled. "That's because, more often than not, their awful personalities distract from their looks," I said, causing an uproar of laughter at the table.

Once breakfast was finished, we cleaned up the table, and mine and Emmeline's, plus Mary's mess in the kitchen, and changed into our day clothes. I dressed in a tank top and shorts and brushed my wavy hair. I added a touch of makeup and brushed my teeth, then headed to the kitchen again. Hey, getting ready makes a girl hungry. Plus, getting ready is no fun, so add in the extra frustration and you've got a hangry girl. Obviously, I had to prevent Hangry Lily from making an appearance, so off to the kitchen I went.

I ate whatever I was in the mood for that was just the right amount of filling, and waited for the others to finish getting ready and come downstairs. We were supposed to be staying another night, but hadn't decided what we'd do today.

I was sitting in a squashy armchair with my back resting against one armrest and my legs hanging over the other, just finishing up a sandwich, when the front door the the home opened and who should stumble in but Peter Pettigrew.

I nearly choked in surprise on my sandwich, but forced myself to small my last bite and propel myself from the armchair as Marlene, Emmeline, and Hestia descended the stairs.

"Uh…" Peter and I both voiced.

"Lily, I forgot to tell you. Peter lives close by, although, at the moment, I'm not quite sure why he's here?" Marlene both explained and questioned.

Peter cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable. "Well, uh…the lads and I were wondering if anyone would fancy a trip up the hill and a bonfire later?"

I groaned inwardly. Surely, "the lads" also included Potter and Black. But hey, Remus. And Peter, who was just nice, but without his friends. Besides, I was bored…so, really, why not? If anyone bothered me too much, there were plenty of other people to hang out with.

The other girls were adding their approval, with loud consent from the girls upstairs floating downstairs, and so, I said, "Okay."

Hestia looked alarmed at my accommodation, and I just shrugged at her and looked nonchalant. Really, would it be so awkward?


End file.
